F is for Façade – #atozchallenge

This poem is titled Façade. It reflects on old wounds and betrayals, long healed but remains as a dark mark. Enjoy.

 

Your face,
pallid,
Your soul,
corrupt,
Your ears,
burn red,
Your eyes,
brim with lies,
Why do you,
Conceal the truth?
Why do you,
pretend to care?
Why do you,
project love,
for passersby to see?
Why do you spindle,
on my emotions?
Why do you even try?

Can you forgive yourself?

Forgiveness is something that you grant to someone who deserves it, but you do it on your own terms. But what if you did something that you never forgave yourself for? What if something that you did in your past haunts you to this very day? Will you be able to lavishly forgive yourself or do you not want that liberty?

Everyone does some unspeakable things that they do not wish to think about, it lands in that part of the brain that acts as a black-hole. It sucks out the gruesome details and exhausts it outwards, hoping to leave peace in its place. But does it really get flushed out?

I do not wish to disclose what I had done in the past for I am still ashamed of that abominable act. It still burns my heart to this very day, when will I be able to move past from that day? How foolish was I to think that no one would find out about what I had done. Only three people knew about that incident, my mother, my uncle and his wife. They promised to forgive me for what they described as a “sin”, but they so very graciously granted me forgiveness. What they never realized was that it was never their place to grant it at all.

I had committed that sin knowingly…and that is what bothers me to this day. I knew that I was stepping into the quicksand and fell into its clasp intentionally. But I am not able to discriminate my decision conclusively. If only I predicted the consequences, if only I had been a tad more heedful. I gave in to the situation, I became weak. And I that is what I hate the most.

So, what is that extravagant offer that I made to myself, it was nothing but forgiveness. I wished to release all that anger and vexation from my heart, mind and soul. For everything had become tainted when I committed that sin and I was unaware of that. I resolved to grant myself forgiveness for a sin I had obligated myself to a very long time ago. It gave me peace and happiness, like an enormous rock had been lifted off of my chest. I felt liberated and contended. That was a magical moment in my life, a gift that I gave myself after years of self-torment and denial.

This is my story on how I selfishly went about and made myself feel special. I listened to my heart and I decided to love myself a bit. Don’t we all deserve a little love that we often need to spare for ourselves as well? And that was exactly what I did, for a change I treated myself to the luxury of forgiveness. You should feel special and loved once in a while, and that doesn’t always have to be expected from someone else, it could just be you because no one can judge you harder that yourself. You fret and flee from the many faces that lie within you which you do not wish to confront. Yet, you have to, one way or another.

“I am participating in the #DilKiDealOnSnapdeal activity at BlogAdda in association with SnapDeal.”

I have been marked.

I have been marked

Red.

Scaly.

And not so immune,

 

I have been marked

By my blood cells

Constantly malfunctioning

And defenceless,

 

I have been marked

For I know not

How long I can bear

These blotches in red,

 

I have been marked

Mercilessly,

Like a reptile

Shedding skin,

 

I have been marked

Emotionally broken down

Cannot stand the image

That stares back at me,

 

I have been marked

For I know not why

And I know not how

But I wonder,

 

Why mark me?

Of all the people

For I had my skin alone

To love and cherish,

 

But it is tarnished

Ruined.

Bloody and itchy

Despicable to the eyes.

 

Pray for Gaza!

Raise your hands!

Beg. Appeal. Lament.

For the children

Ripped to shreds,

Riling up a blood bath

Feasting on the innocent

Why, Ya Allah?

So let me pray to you,

For you are Ever-Merciful

All-seeing

And All-Hearing,

Ya Rabil Alameen,

Heed to our pleas

Your slaves beckon to you

O! Master of the Universe,

We Pray for Gaza.

Requiem for a Soul

How many times

Can a soul break?

How many more blows

Can it take?

Frail and soft

A core so brittle

And gullible

So pure, it shivers,

Until the poison swarms

Into the depths

Of unknown truths

And deceptions,

Cries of the darkened

And destroyed ones

Resonate and writhe

In agony,

The price paid is the loss

Of a loved one,

Not a single tear drop

Remains.