Flicker of Hope

Pregnancy can be a tricky period. There would be this one minute when you are joyous beyond your comprehension and the next minute you would just want to bash your husband’s head on the wall, especially when mine has this annoying habit of breaking into a song. Trust me when I say that HE CANNOT SING. Now that I am in my third trimester, I have somehow overcome throwing silly temper tantrums. But the worst part is that I would never know what is going to make me angry. I cannot predict when the she-hulk would just pop out and make a mess.

There were times when I would just lie on the bed, waiting for the day to end. And I mean literally lie on the bed and wait for the day to just pass by, because life was so meaningless. Of course, I had miraculous moments when I felt the baby’s first kick and I incessantly started to feel it moving around in my body. It was weird and cool at the same time. I don’t think I can explain how I feel every time that happens. I guess you just have to experience it.

I live in Sweden with my husband and it gets lonely here. You would think that I have all the time in the world to do what I want and do it when I please. But I miss the schedule and the people. Most of all, I miss my mom’s food. One of the cruelest things is that I cannot eat a single meal cooked by my mom. Sometimes I would just lose hope and shut myself in the house for weeks. I know that is selfish of me to deprive my baby of fresh air and the sun. (Which never comes out unless it pleases!) And I would buck up for my baby, who constantly conveys wise words to me. I would just rant away my thoughts and problems to it and I would feel better all of a sudden. It would feel like someone is there to listen to me, someone actually cares.

I know I can always talk to my husband, but like I said, pregnancy changes you. I got to discover a whole new side of me. It was bizarre in every way, but I knew that I could handle it, because I had this someone with me, who would relentlessly be my company without my asking for it. It felt nice, it felt like I am loved and wanted. I realized that my baby is the key to my being happy and healthy. I know that it is foolish to acknowledge that my unborn child is my knight in shining armor, but to hell with it, it is what it is!

Hope can be given to someone in many ways. Sometimes, it can be a thought, sometimes it can be the smile of the person you love the most and sometimes, it can be a simple nudge of your baby from within you.


This post is a part of Indi-Happy Hours in association with Housing.

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